Just call me April....painter of shit

I hate that "Painter of Light, tm" guy, I really do. Ok, I do shitty paintings. Anyone can.

Vanilla girl

That's ME! In honor of my child molesting older brother who's getting married at a late age. And yes, he invited me and my sister to the wedding.

It's said that Vanilla is boring,
It's said that Vanilla's oblique
All one has to do to be married today
Is be some kind of sexual freak.

I could so fucking ruin his life right now...................

I won't be going to the wedding. Thank god I got booze, plants and watercolour, or I'd go mad.

Just going along.

Surviving, not thriving. I miss my mom. I want my mommy. I can't stand it that she's not here. Nothing will make it better except time, I guess. This is my mom in the mid 1940's, early '50's.

Haven't been doing much, really. Went to the Missouri Botanical Garden last weekend with a friend. I was totally not in the mood. It was awesome. Then we went to Shaw's Nature preserve...it was really awesome....a prairie geek like me got to walk on a real, high quality prairie...with 20 or so different native prairie plants per square meter.

I work in the greenhouse at school..it's a no brainer and my boss is very, very cool. Academia freaks me out...it's so petty and ridiculous.

School is good..I got an A in Watercolor, and a C in shrub ID. I'm still waiting for my Hort 101 grade. The math class the teacher gave me an incomplete in, I'll make up the work as the summer goes on, and take my punishment like a man, dammit.

Picked up my painting from the gallery today, they waived the storage fee. It'll look nice on my wall.

RIP, mom

I love you, I really do, x 10, and I miss you. You're the hole in my life that will always be empty from here to the end of my life.

My mother died on 4/20.

My father called me on the morning of 4/16 to let me know she wasn't going to pull out of this one...my sister was down there very early on the 17th. I got there on the 17th...but later in the day.

We at least got a couple of days with her. She was in hospice. Hospice is wonderful. I can't say enough good about it.

My sister and I spent the morning of the 20th by her bedside talking to her(she was unconcious), just conversing with her, telling her it was okay to go, we'd be fine, then we left to do some running around...my dad went down to be with her in the afternoon. We had been counting her breathing..it went from one breath every 39 seconds to 1 breath every 12 seconds, to one breath a second. Dad came home from visiting her, and we asked how it was going, and he said "lousy." Ten minutes after he came home, hospice called to say she had passed away. She waited for my dad to leave.

Me and my sis went to hospice...and I really wish I hadn't looked at her after she passed. Her skin was yellow/grey/blue and her mouth was open. This is the last picture I have in my head of my mother.

Some good news, and some bad.

My mom's in the hospital again, with several broken ribs, which she got as the result of a fall she took in the bathroom. The week before last. She woke up last Wednesday in pain, and having a hard time breathing. Why my father didn't immediately take her to the emergency room...I'l never know. She's in a lot of pain, even though she's being kept doped up to the max.

I've had broken ribs...they are the most pain I've ever been in. It hurts to breath, it hurts to move even slightly.

On the good news front, one of my paintings was selected to be in the student art show at College Of Lake County. Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

It's a painting of a bird bath.

I only drink when I'm sad.

And I'm sad most of the time. Oh well. I'll get over it someday.

Got a job at the greenhouse at school. It's fun and my bosses are, too. I'm allowed to plant tons of my own stuff, as long as I share them with the school. No problem!

Hatin' the math, and the continued cold. Still missing Rocco.

Love the hort classes and my job, though.

Still Cold in the Chi-Town area...

BUT, and this is a big but...the male red-winged blackbirds showed up at my bird feeders last weekend, pooo-weeeeeeeeee-ing at each other. They're still here...haven't given up yet. The sandhill cranes are back, too. And Robins.

The crocus, hyacinths and narcissus are up about 3 inches, the native plants are much smarter...they're waiting.

Chipping sparrows are back this weekend, as are the house finches. Male cardinals singing, BUT...still really cold here.

Still missing O'Crocco. Or Rocco, whichever you prefer. He was my study buddy. I miss kissing him on the top of his head.

And it's still cold and hard. And so am I. Some day I will defrost.